blog takeover + reflection

featuring erika roberts, ghc creative strategist

Erika Roberts is a creative force. With words written and spoken, she brings power to her art using her strongest tools: language and love. In this new blog takeover series, Erika not only gives us a look into what it’s like to be a collaborator forced to work from a distance during a global pandemic, but she’ll also introduce the GHC team through the lens of the shutdown later in the series.

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Here we are, again. 

Thank you for coming back.

I started writing this at 11:11pm on Friday (5/29) and I am staring at the page where my thoughts for this week’s blog post lives. You see- I was planning on going back to the first few weeks of quarantine, but I am consumed by what is happening in the world right now. I am a black woman, unapologetically living in a world where racism is running way too comfortably common. I want to protect black men. I want to protect my brownness. I am lost yet again but not to the virus of covid-19 but to the disease of hatred. As an artist that lives in the weeds of words I have to write what I am feeling and there is not a space big enough for all of my thoughts. I can’t breathe, but not because my airway is being constricted but because I am choking on the pain that racism/ hatred brings. It has a firm crippling grip. 

Saturday I joined in on a virtual meditation that focused on breathing. It calmed mE down enough to return to this stream of thought.

Meditating this time seemed to have more purpose. It was intentional. This helped mE process my thoughts and the sadness that I am feeling.

We are in this bubble of quarantine that already has many of us anxious. However, adding in the racial unrest contributed  another textured level to that anxiety.

Even though I am going back in time, I have to acknowledge the lens with which it is being seen. 

Reflections….

March 20th begins a time of seeking a way to provide, to process and to prevent depression.

I was in the house and getting sick. I slept a very long time. I slept so long that I woke up confused. I fought that cold with support and encouragement. I had many true friends drop off food, vitamins, a mask and some food. 

Social distancing was not a term that I was familiar with. I had to really research what that meant. I had 1 mask, no gloves or groceries. I wasn’t even sure if I had a job. I went into the month of March with 2 new jobs. Both of these jobs were dependent on facilitating community engagements. When we closed down and stopped meeting, those jobs seemed faint. 

I couldn’t have shows or events. I couldn’t have workshops or host community engagements. What’s next? How would I make money?  

The Glass House Collective offices became my home on Tuesdays but not now.  The collective’s leader, Teal Thibauld sent a message that we would hop on a Zoom call. 

I hadn’t heard of Zoom so back to Google. 

I was excited to see my teammates even though it was virtual. Teal was strong through this uneasy part. She had to calm us down and either assure us of having a job or give us bad news of no income. She assured us of work but what that would look like was unknown.  In the meantime, she encouraged us to take the time to love on our families. She said that we would make it. She gave us some small directions attached to big hope. I held on tight to the fact that I am resourceful and creative.

As I reflect on the beginning of this quarantine through the dirty lens of what’s happening in OUR world today, I am humbled into a silence that moves my pen. I faced the fear of covid-19 with carefulness and now I face the ugly pandemic of racism with careful protest. 

My pen is sharp and ready. My heart is heavy but I will move forward.  Black lives do matter.

With love I send my thoughts…..

~Erika Roberts